How To Tell If You're A Dog Snob
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You know you’ve become a dog snob when you no longer care what the humans are doing.
It becomes OFFICIAL when you take your first step onto the pedestal of, “I’m better than the rest of the people because I have a dog.”
Here’s how I knew it was official
Plenty of dog owners like their dogs enough to feed them and throw a ball. Then there are those of us who love our dogs more than the air we breathe and would rather not make time for humans anymore.
I knew it had become official several years ago. I’d go to work and ignore everyone while making a beeline for the other guy who lives and breathes for his dog.
How did I know he lived for his dog? Because he didn’t want kids. Instead, he threw birthday “paw-ties” for his golden retriever, Louie.
While regular people ask each other how their kids are doing, dog people ask each other how their dogs are doing. We don’t care about other people’s kids.
Our dogs follow and talk to each other on Instagram.
The fact that our dogs even have Instagram is snobbery at its finest.
Tell-tale signs that you’re a dog snob
When your mother texts you a long paragraph containing the details of all her hopes and dreams and you reply with, “Dezi found a new tennis ball on our walk!”
When friends text asking if you want to get together and you reply, “Sure, how about the dog park?” If they don’t want to go for a walk, you don’t see your friends. Very simple.
When your entire life schedule is set around time spent with your dog. In fact, you invented a work-from-home job just so you can take two-hour lunch breaks to go for walkies.
When your dog weighs 85 lbs and still thinks she’s a lap dog, and you’re okay with it.
When you’d rather find dog hair in your food than human hair.
You can whip dog treats and poop bags out of any pocket in any article of clothing you own, almost like party favors.
When you know all the dog names at the off-leash park but don’t know any of the human names.
When you’re planning travel you only look for pet-friendly, ground-floor accommodations, preferably within road-tripping distance.
You’ve purchased a new SUV for road-tripping because your dog needs a more spacious back seat.
When you’re on a road trip in another city and you run into Louie, the golden retriever from Instagram.
If, God forbid, there were an earthquake, a typhoon, or an avalanche, you’d save your dog before you’d think about saving any humans.
And last but certainly not least, you custom-make your own gear so you can brag about your status without speaking a word.
I made this and wear it almost every day 😂 And YES…I even made a winter beanie version because…CANADA!
The reality of my dog-snobbery
The truth about Dezi is that I adopted her during the pandemic. She was actually born on the day Canada shut down and her shelter name was Mojo…the same name as my last dog.
How’s that for the universe speaking straight to my soul?
At six months old, Dezi had to witness the most tragic day I will ever experience in this lifetime.
She has now become my emotional support crutch and it's a job she does with pride.
She listens to me blah-blah-blah all day long and pretends to understand me more than any human ever could. Her position is never neutral, she’s always on my side without fail.
She makes me laugh until I can’t breathe. I truly don’t understand how I ended up with the clowniest dog I’ve ever owned. She was so normal the day we met!
We don’t have to do anything to make a dog happy except show up…perhaps with a little piece of cheese. But even without the cheese, you’re still the greatest thing since sliced bread every time you enter a room.
If you’re not a dog owner you’ll never understand the joy of being gone for three minutes and your dog behaving like you’ve been gone for two months.
Dogs are happier to see you come through the front door than any human ever will be.
Who doesn’t want to be in a relationship like that?
I’m so glad you’re all here reading my VERY first Dog Snob post!!
I’ve been wanting to launch this publication for months. Not sure why I sat on it for so long considering how many subscribers showed up via the tiny little footer announcement in my other newsletter.
I desperately wish Substack allowed us to post photos in the comments because I want to meet all your dogs!
PLEASE, feel free to tell us about yours in the comments below.
First to like it? I’m the first commenter on your very first post—adoring companion to Casey, the ragged-eared, prison-trained Beagle mix we rescued when he was a sprightly adolescent and we were 65. He’s our first dog and showed us a world of fun we’d been missing. If only Substack allowed photos in comments.
Hi! Hi! I have so much to say about my dogs, but for now I will say that I am so lucky to be mama to 2 dobies Zumi (2) and Tashi (3) and to still feel connected with my soul dog Makai, who is no longer physically with us.